Filler: Satirical look at DARPA

29 July 2003
Minnesota Public Radio: Marketplace

CHERYL GLASER, anchor:

Hm, perhaps the folks at DARPA could use the help of a real pro. This sounds 
like a job for...

Unidentified Man: Skip Herlihy, PR.

Mr. "SKIP HERLIHY": The place: A secret DARPA office in Washington, DC. The 
time: Now.

"Admiral POINDEXTER": Janice, send in Herlihy, stat.

"JANICE": Right away, Admiral Poindexter.

Mr. HERLIHY: Hey, was that a pounding you fellas took in the press or what?

Adm. POINDEXTER: Herlihy, you old so-and-so.

Mr. HERLIHY: What a Poindex. Listen, got to make this quick. Stuff to do. 
Now I took the liberty of having my people turn out a public approval chart 
for your little organization.

Adm. POINDEXTER: Why, this looks like a line drawing of a steep downward slope.

Mr. HERLIHY: Yeah. Pointy, right now you DARPA guys are about as beloved as 
anthrax.

Adm. POINDEXTER: What to do?

Mr. HERLIHY: Know what? I think you know what to do.

Adm. POINDEXTER: I do?

Mr. HERLIHY: Sure. Take TIA, that Total Information Awareness project of 
yours. You caught the vibe right away, not so popular. So, boom, you changed 
the name. Smart PR move. It's like we say at the office, there's no such 
thing as a bad idea, just bad marketing.

Adm. POINDEXTER: I was pretty proud of that.

Mr. HERLIHY: Uh-huh. Except, hey, Poin-Man, Terrorism Information Awareness? 
Come on. Terrorists? That's no fun. How about this: Awarenesss Program.

Adm. POINDEXTER: Huh.

Mr. HERLIHY: Yeah. You see? Awareness. It's pleasant. I'll buy that.

Adm. POINDEXTER: I think I'm getting your drift, Herlihy.

Mr. HERLIHY: OK. Let's give you a test. That TIA logo with the pyramid and 
the scary all-seeing eye rising over the Earth.

Adm. POINDEXTER: Ah, let's change the pyramid to a teddy bear.

Mr. HERLIHY: It skews a little young, but you're getting warmer.

Adm. POINDEXTER: Ah, and the terrorism futures market, we could call that 
Fun Futures, I don't know. Hey, let's call Martha Stewart. She knows how to 
make things pretty.

Mr. HERLIHY: Yeah, maybe we should talk about this some more. But, hey, got 
to split for a meeting with Tony Blair. Call you from Downing Street.

Adm. POINDEXTER: I wish I was smart like him.

Unidentified Man: Skip Herlihy, PR.

GLASER: Satire from the MARKETPLACE players.