VIEW FROM SLANE CASTLE - Arnold will Terminate opponents to be Guv.

By Lord Henry.

09 August 2003
Mirror
4

AUGUST is the silly season. Slow on news for journalists and commentators 
scratching their heads about what to write.

This year, however, the silliness strikes me as a little bizarre. First, 
Tony Blair is on holiday in Sir Cliff Richard's house in Barbados. Not quite 
hip, is it?

He'd be better off staying with Mick Jagger in Mustique where he could strum 
away to I Can't Get No Satisfaction as the credibility of his government 
plumbs new depths in a spiral of smear campaigns and spin.

To cap it all, Cherie Blair has become a rap star in Japan. God help us. I'm 
just waiting for the Archbishop of Canterbury to announce he wants to marry 
the gay Bishop of New Hampshire.

For the real craziness, we need to turn to the United States. I was 
genuinely disappointed to hear that Jerry Springer has given up on the idea 
of running for a seat for the US senate.

Despite hosting one of the more brainless TV shows in history, he has 
genuine political experience, a good record on Vietnam and would have added 
colour to the US political scene. Still the day is saved by Conan the 
Barbarian, The Terminator, alias big Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The husband of a niece of JFK, Arnie announces on the Jay Leno Show that he 
is going to run for Governor of California.

You had better believe this is for real.

He actually said his famous catchphrase, "Hasta la vista baby", in the 
interview. Should appeal to the intellectual vote.

However, as one of his opponents is the pornographer Larry Flynt and another 
a porn star who wants to review tax on breast implants, he might just win.

I have just returned from the States, where one of the stories dominating 
the news was the bizarre and sinister tale of the Pentagon trying to set up 
a Terror Futures Market.

Bottom line, investors would get a big payoff for predicting a terrorist 
event. Imagine this.

Big payoffs can involve market manipulation. In the case of terror futures, 
in the words of former White House economic adviser Todd Burcholz, 
manipulation "can show up not as a forged buy order but as a bullet".

This was a public relations disaster for an administration that is looking 
at an ongoing military campaign in Iraq costing $4billion dollars a month 
and sending American soldiers home in body bags on a daily basis.

After 9/11, the focus of the War on Terrorism was supposed to have been on 
al-Qaeda. As President Bush relaxes in his ranch in Texas, more are asking 
has he had his eye on the wrong ball.

Still, back at home Bertie is feeling the heat, and the heatwave in France 
without a chilled pint of Bass will give him no relief.

He must be cursing that election slogan "A Lot Done More To Do". For me, I'm 
off to Robbie Williams tonight and I'll have a pint of Bass.