The Public Manager, Fall 2003 v32 i3 p55(2) 
Election Follies. (The Uncivil Servant) Grimaldi. 


Make no mistake about it. We are into election year politics. No, this isn't 
the actual year in which elections will occur (that is another fun-filled 
year away), but we will soon wish it were to hasten getting through the 
craziness that awaits us every other year. Once again Grimaldi and The 
Public Manager are ahead of the pack. 

President Bush is on the hustings raising money toward his $170 million 
goal. Gee, if he really had an opponent, one shudders to think how much he 
might need. This is more than the gross national product of South America!! 

State of the Union 

The season kicked off with the debate about those 16 little words in his 
State of the Union message about Saddam seeking nuclear arms in Africa. Was 
it a false report? Did we know it? Did we know it was fraudulent? And by the 
way, while we are on it, Grimaldi may have read too many John Le Carre spy 
novels, but when was the last time someone went outside his home and cut 
one's wrist to commit suicide? This is what Mr. Kelly, an intelligence 
analyst for Britain's MI6, is reputed to have done just before he was to 
testify before a Parliament committee on this subject. 

Well, what's the big deal? Is this twice as big as the eight little words 
that Bill Clinton uttered that led to his impeachment? ("I did not have sex 
with that woman.") At least three people have taken responsibility for the 
Bush words--Rice, Tenet, the PR flack in the White House--and now the 
president himself. That is a lot of responsibility for 16 little words. I 
wonder how many would have taken responsibility for the Gettysburg Address, 
which if my junior high history class was right was slightly over 200 words? 
Would it be anywhere near the 50,000 who gave their lives on the 
battlefield? How many in the NBA will take responsibility for Kobe Bryant's 
words to the 19-year-old in Colorado who brought about his indictment? And 
what bad luck for him. The first time he steps outside his marriage vows and 
he gets caught! What are the odds? 

WMD 

But this is the time of Election Follies, and there is no end of nonsense 
that season will spawn. It can now be divulged that the administration has 
found the illusive weapons of mass destruction (WMD). They are Democrats. 
Yes, Democrats, who have been in hiding in this country, are now designated 
as potential WMDs to Republicans in the coming elections. 

You may think this is a joke, but the Texas Democrats went into hiding in 
Oklahoma in the spring and left again for New Mexico in late July. The UN 
weapons inspectors were going to be dispatched, but China vetoed the 
proposal on behalf of North Korea, who took the principled stance that a 
nation's sovereignty was at stake. But seriously, other than the phalanx of 
Dems running for the White House, can you name another? Who is the minority 
leader in the House now that Gephardt is running himself? And his/her 
counterpart in the Senate? Where have they all gone? 

Related Craziness 

But the silliness is not limited to Democrats and Republicans. Other 
craziness is about in the land that must be highlighted lest the 14 sane 
people left in public life lose theirs in the real fear that normality might 
never return. This reminds me of the quote: Optimists believe that these are 
the very best of times. Pessimists fear they may be right! 

My recommendation for the zaniest of the zany is the nerdiest of the nerdy, 
Admiral Poindexter. He was the bookish Navy man who was convicted in the 
Contragate scandal of the Reagan administration. He was later released on a 
technicality to return to his beloved Pentagon in DARPA. Here he devised a 
futures market in terrorism. Yes, you read it right. 

His idea was that we could get an idea of an impending terrorism event if 
the value of terrorism futures rose suddenly. The perfect application of 
market theory to terrorism. Only the ultimate nerd could produce the 
ultimately ridiculous game. The Pentagon killed the idea the very day it 
made the news. At least someone with sense was in charge on that day. 
Poindexter is now on his way to well deserved obscurity, a mere footnote in 
history and trivia games. I'll take "NERDS" for $400, Alex. 

And then there is the recall of Gray Davis, the governor of California. 
Grimaldi is hard-pressed to recall the last time a governor was recalled in 
this country. According to reports, it has been over 60 years since even 
whacky California did it. Governor Edwards of Louisiana went to jail, but 
that doesn't count. Minnesota gave it serious thought after Jesse Ventura, 
its Independent Party governor, appeared at a televised wrestling match. And 
of course, the most famous ex-governor was Spiro Agnew, who resigned the 
vice presidency under Nixon when it was divulged that he had taken bribes 
while Maryland's governor. 

Other Silliness 

But here is the silliness of this. Pre-sumably, the signers of the petition 
are angry that the state is in the midst of a $38 billion deficit. This is 
more than the gross national product of Canada for crying out loud. The 
irony of course is that this election will cost $60 million that the state 
doesn't have. 

And speaking of Canada, the height of craziness was achieved by the Customs 
Service who patrols our borders. You see, Canada recently legalized small 
amounts of marijuana. So the instruction went out to increase scrutiny at 
our borders with this docile neighbor to our north. Where are their heads!! 
If they are so concerned about Americans who want to gain access to this 
drug, they shouldn't close the borders. They should open them wider! Let 
those interested in drugs EMIGRATE to Canada. WE could solve our drug 
problem very quickly by exporting it to them. 

A Final Word from Florida 

And finally, we have the ongoing dispute between both houses of the Florida 
legislature and the president's brother over how to handle the explosion of 
medical malpractice insurance premiums. Doctors are closing parts of their 
practices because of the cost. Two special sessions at $40,000 per day have 
been called by Jeb Bush to solve the "medmal" crisis, as it is being called. 
It seems that the Republicans, who control the governor's mansion and both 
houses, are having trouble in this election season over who they want to 
screw more--victims of malpractice, doctors, or that downtrodden group of 
trial lawyers who make the world safe for surgery by taking huge fees when 
something goes wrong. Is this country great or what?